31.
+ Once I saw a big crowd of people in our chapel, in front of the chapel and in the street,
because there was no room for them inside19
. The chapel was decorated for a feast.
There were a lot of clergy near the altar, and then our sisters and those of many other
congregations. They were all waiting for the person who was to take a place on the altar.
Suddenly I heard a voice saying that I was to take the place on the altar. But as soon as I
left the corridor to go across the yard and enter the chapel, following the voice that was
calling me, all the people began to throw at me whatever they had to hand: mud, stones,
sand, brooms, to such an extent that I at first hesitated to go forward. But the voice kept
on calling me even more earnestly, so I walked on bravely.
hen I entered the chapel, the superiors, the sisters, the students,20 and even my
parents started to hit me with whatever they could, and so whether I wanted to or not, I
quickly took my place on the altar. As soon as I was there, (13) the very same people,
the students, the sisters, the superiors and my parents all began to hold their arms out to
me asking for graces; and as for me, I did not bear any grudge against them for having
thrown all sorts of things at me, and I was surprised that I felt a very special love precisely
for those persons who had forced me to go more quickly to my appointed place. At the
same time my soul was filled with ineffable happiness, and I heard these words, Do
whatever you wish, distribute graces as you will, to whom you will and when you
will. Then, instantly, the vision disappeared.
32.
Another time I heard these words, Go to the Superior and ask her to allow you to
make a daily hour of adoration for nine days. During this adoration try to unite
yourself in prayer with My Mother. Pray with all your heart in union with Mary, and
try also during this time to make the Way of the Cross. I received the permission,
though not for a full hour, but only for whatever time was left me after I had carried out my
duties.
33.
I was to make this novena for the intention of my Motherland. On the seventh day of the
novena I saw, between heaven and earth, the Mother of God, clothed in a bright robe.
She was praying with Her hands folded on Her bosom, Her eyes fixed on Heaven. From
Her Heart issued forth fiery rays, some of which were turned toward Heaven while the
others were covering our country.
34.
When I told this and certain other things to my confessor , he replied that these might
really be coming from God, but that they might also be an illusion. Because of my
frequent changes [of assignments], I did not have a permanent confessor and besides, I
had great difficulty in speaking of these things. I prayed ardently that the Lord would give
me that great grace – that is, a spiritual director. But my prayer was answered only after
my perpetual vows, when I went to Vilnius. The priest was Father Sopocko. God had
allowed me to see him in an interior vision even before I came to Vilnius.
35.
Oh, if only I had had a spiritual director from the beginning, then I would not have wasted
so many of God's graces. A confessor can help a soul a great deal, but he can also
cause it a lot of harm. Oh, how careful confessors should be about the work of God's
grace in their penitents‟ souls! This is a matter of great importance. By the graces given
to a soul, one can recognize the degree of its intimacy with God.
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